Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The most amazing, death defying, extreme backcountry mountain bike race you will ever behold!

Note to reader; some of the following may be knowingly told as a half truth or even complete fabrication. Some will not. This was also written after a trip to the Circus World Museum in Baraboo, WI.

The Colorado Trail Race is the most horrific, daunting and thrilling mountain bike race you will ever witness. 480 death defying, jaw dropping miles over the most remote and technical singletrack trails ever ridden stretching from Denver, Colorado to Durango, Colorado! Racers WILL experience bone chilling rain, wind and lung burning thin air at elevations above 13,000 feet. Snow and hail are also likely. Braving the constant threat of wild animals and creepy crawlies, the racer must avoid bears, mosquitoes, moose, deer, spiders, coyotes, foxes, cattle, and rednecks! Racers must ride much of the race not only under such appalling conditions, they must also ride much at night in the moonless skies of the mountains when all dangers are at a magnified magnitude. 
Some of our publicity materials.

As if this were not enough, Jarral will attempt the race with a malfunctioning pancreas. That's right at any moment he may lose consciousness from low blood sugars or unbearable trauma from high glucose levels. He must carry syringes and inject himself with insulin several times a day. He must also try and prick his fingers (which may very well be frozen from the cold or lost after an encounter with a wild creepy crawly) to test the levels of his blood sugars several times a day. Follow the drama and spectacle online August 1, 2011.

Jarral will attempt this mind boggling feat with only the supplies he carries on his bike and back and can buy along the way as the rules clearly states that it is a self supported race and he cannot accept items or leave them on the trail along the way. If he runs out of food or has an equipment failure he is sure to be doomed and will probably be eaten by rogue kangaroo rats and ravens before he is found. Below are some of the items he will be taking with him!
  • Bike and Relevate bags and backpack.
  • Some sort of lighting thing.
  • Sleeping bag and do-dads to keep it dry
  • Insulin, glucose meter, syringes, extra test strips.
  • Some bike thingies to keep it rolling--spare spokes, brake pads, spare chain and cassette and chain whip tool with 12" crescent wrench, spoke wrench, spare tires and tubes, Allen wrenches, spare peddles, and other tools as needed.
  • High calorie food such as canned SPAM.
  • Reading material to help with sleep: "Lord of the Rings" trilogy (Hardcover)--I would just take the first book but what if, just what if, I finished it and was left without a book to read. Also hardcover to keep the pages from getting all bent up.
  • Hammer for stakes.
  • Extra large camp shovel and TP roll.
  • Cow bell.
  • Bike clothes
  • Full tub of chamois cream (European style)
  • Huge pillow to cry my huge head to sleep on every night. 
  • Do-rag to protect the old noggin--helmet will add just too much weight. 
Finally I would like to thank my sponsors (monetary and help with the above list of things that I may or may not bring but were offered) and anyone else along the way!

Anne, Julian and Lila
the letters B, I, K, and E
Dave (The biking machine freak)
Dave (The bike mechanic freak)
Bryan (The ski freak)
Brian (The bike magazine freak)
Mike N (Future CEO of TREK (at least I (Me (I have received no monetary recompense from Mr. Mike) personally) think so)).
The Smiths, Bryan and Jenny 


Anonymous said...

Glad you opted out of the helmet. Totally overrated. The second of the trilogy, on the other hand, is a must bring. A real page turner. BTW, your wife is a saint.

J'sMom said...

tedMaybe a Louis Lamour book would be better- "Durn you, Sackett!"
We will wait for you along the trail to cheer you along-no help. tho.